Ergste movie cliche's

[Menno Hagendoorn]

Ik vond het idee van Frank Gruben in de thread :"Wat is het domste.........." eigenlijk wel leuk. dus kom maar op: wat vinden jullie de grootste film cliche's!!!
Denk daarbij bijvoorbeeld aan het bange meisje in Horrorfilms die ondanks dat ze in haar broek piest van angst toch even gaat kijken wat dat geluid nou toch is op zolder..........

[Jaap22]

Dat er een bom is en die wordt gestopt als men nog maar 1 seconde de tijd heeft....

[Graven]

Wat dacht je van "I'll be back"

[Ronald Stiebolt]

"Its quite here..... TOO quiet....."

[Menno Hagendoorn]

Of 2 agenten die elkaar niet mogen aan het begin van de film en tegen het einde echte Buddy's zijn.

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Geen cliche maar wel een van m'n favo's, uit 48 hours:

Reggie Hammond: "Jack, tell me a story?"
Jack Cates: "FUCK YOU!"
Hammond: "Oh, that's one of my favourites!"

[Graven]

of de good guy die op het punt staat om de bad guy neer te schieten en zich toch bedenkt....

[Frank Gruben]

Nou, ik kan als "geestelijk vader' niet achterblijven: als er een tweeling rondloopt in de film is de ene goed, de andere altijd slecht! (Raising Caine, Dead Ringers)

[Menno Hagendoorn]

of de good guy die op het punt staat om de bad guy neer te schieten en zich toch bedenkt....

en vervolgens heeft de bad guy toch nog een wapen, doet nog 1 poging en wordt alsnog (al dan niet door de held) neergeknald!

[Graven]

en vervolgens heeft de bad guy toch nog een wapen, doet nog 1 poging en wordt alsnog (al dan niet door de held) neergeknald!

Dit bewijst toch wel dat het cliche is....

[Ghast]

[QUOTE]Raising Caine[QUOTE]


Raising Cain bedoel je, daar komt geen twin brother in voor hij heeft gewoon 5 persoonlijkheden !!

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Ik heb lokaal nog een bende van dit soort onzin staat. Ik weet alleen m'n bron niet meer dus ik post ze maar, de eerste categorie: computers in films

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

Movie character never make typing mistakes.

All monitors display inch-high letters.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.

Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain english.

Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard

Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress")

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.

All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.

People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see "Demolition Man" and countless others).

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (e.g Clear and Present Danger).
If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automagically asked for a password when you try to access it.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.
Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see "Alien", "2001").

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Categorie 2: Cars in films:

Movie characters driving in the city will get to park wherever they like when they get to their destination.

When you are alone in the back seat of the car, make sure you sit in the middle.

Sudden accelleration of a car (be it forwards, backwards, stopping, skidding, sliding, or whatever) causes a loud skid, even on dirt or wet roads. Be prepared. Each wheel is also fitted with a smoke device to let you know when this happens. Hollywood cars are also special: when you take off quickly, you always leave a skid mark for each drive wheel, regardless of whether you have a limited slip differential or not.

Pedestrians in Hollywood have the world's best reactions, so don't worry if you have to drive down a sidewalk. Mr Pappodopolus is quite used to having his fruit cart smashed, and despite his gesticulations and curses, he always manages to get out of the way in time.

There are always people carrying around large sheets of glass on the street during a car chase.

The person behind the wheel is talking to and looking at their passenger for the entire journey without actually looking at the _road_, changing gear, signalling etc. (ex. "When Harry Met Sally").

Cars chasing each other in the middle of a city will not suffer enough damage to stop the chase.

People being chased by a car will keep running down the middle of the road instead of ducking in somewhere where a car cannot go.

A car will always explode when shot at, unless the hero is driving it.

When you drive a car, you can always recognize all the persons you know that pass you in the opposite direction.

If someone has "fixed" the foot-brakes in the car, the driver never use the hand-brake and the gears to slow down, at least not until the last moment.

Cars often end up on cliff-edges with 2 wheels in the open air. The good guys are saved just before the car falls over, the bad guys join the car in the free fall, often caused by a bird setting down on the part of the car hanging over the edge.

When a car falls off a cliff after a car chase, it usually explodes before reaching the ground.

When speeding cars hit a parked car, they fly up into the air while the parked car doesn't even wiggle

After a car crash, no movie character ever sits and shakes for five minutes, or becomes incoherent with shock.

All cars seem to run on kerosene rather than gasoline (hence the copious black smoke when they burn).

Watch steering wheels in movie cars, especially in "through the windshield looking at the driver" shots. 9 times out of 10, the spokes of the wheel, which one would think should be horizontal, or close to it, are vertical, i.e., one can see one of the wheel spokes vertical, above the dash, in front of the driver's face, even when he's driving straight.

Whenever you see someone driving, even on straight and smooth roads, they are sawing at the wheel hard enough to be running an obstacle course. The car doesn't swerve at all, of course. The amount of excess wheel-twisting is independent of speed.

Not only do movie cars always park right in front, but they are never locked. Even convertibles with their tops down, in NYC, are still there hours later.

Movie cars have all excellent brakes and can come to a full stop from 80 MPH (with loud screeches, even on dirt roads) in 20 ft.
There's never an annoying wind disturbing the coiffures of convertible passengers.

There are no stop signs in movie land. Wherever you have to drive, no matter how close or far away it is, you never have to stop before you get there.

Film cars do not have inside rear-view mirrors. Most of them do, however, have an appx 1" gray spot on the inside of the windshield where the mirror would normally mount.
Film cars never start the first time when you're running away from the bad guy.

If there is a large bump in a downhill road, speeding cars will always fly over them and hit the ground in shower of sparks. An interior view will then show the reaction of the passengers at the moment of impact. They will not be injured, even if they are not wearing safety belts. No tire damage, broken axles, or suspension failures will occur as a result of the impact. The car will then execute a sharp left turn at the bottom of the hill. Losing a hubcap at this point will be optional.

Any time you see a really nice, snazzy foreign car or a great old car like a 65 mustang, you know it's going to be smashed into a million pieces.

All too many times a Hollywood car chase will be interupted by the emergence of a semi from a driveway, alley, or street, resulting in the escape of the hunted, or the death of an expendable character.

Police cars involved in chase scenes usually tend to suffer more than any other vehicles- they have head on collisions, smash parked cars, fall into water, and of course, experience the ever popular flying-roll, causing the car to land upside down and crush the lights and siren. Usually, we never get to see the unlucky police force member before or after the inevitable accident.
A car that crashes will always explode in a ball of flames, but not until the hero can pull the important passengers to safety, and yell, "Watch out! She's gonna blow!"

Acid applied by the villain to the hero's brake lines never has any effect unless the car is heading down a steep, winding road. Cars at traffic lights have invujlnerable brake lines.

No one ever runs out of gas (even in long car chases). Corollary: every stolen car has a full gas tank and gets great gas mileage.
Vintage cars are always 100% immaculate and freshly polished. They never have any scratches, dents or repairs.

No one fumbles for car keys right before a car chase. they always jump right in and start the car up because they've left the keys in the ignition. Not a great idea in any major city.

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Categorie 3: phones in films

All phone numbers begin with 555.

People speaking on the phone never introduce themselves, and never ever say "good-bye" at the end of a conversation.

A ringing phone is usually picked up within 3 seconds.
Don't give the person on the other end of the phone time to say what they have to.

You also never have to look up a phone number, for anyone.
When a phone line is broken or someone hangs up unexpectedly, communication channels can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?".

Always knock over the phone if it wakes you up. If you are expecting a call, make sure that you pull the covers up completely over your head so that knocking it over becomes easier. All houses have phones next to the bed.

There's a dial tone to be heard on A's phone immediately after B has hung up on his/her end.

The Movie Telephone Time Vortex.
How often have you seen something like this:
Phone rings. Hero/Heroine picks it up. "Hello. Yes. O.k. Right. Thanks, Goodbye." (Total elapsed time on phone: 5 seconds.)
Hero/Heroine turns to other character: "That was John. He says that the Marilyn left for the lawyer's office about an hour ago, and she should have been there by now. He's called the lawyer's office but Marilyn apparently never got there. He also called Bill's, thinking she'd stop by there, but Bill hasn't seen her. John says he's going to call Anne, as Marilyn said she and Ann were going to go shopping sometime today. If she's not at Anne's, he's going to call the police. He suggests that we drive over to Mario's and check with him as to whether or not Marilyn told Wally about the statue. However, he thinks this is unlikely as Marilyn doesn't trust Wally, she only trusts us and Fransisco. John also suggests we try to get in touch with Fransisco . . . ."

On the subject of phones, how about variations of the Bob Newhart-style conversation where we only get to hear one side of the conversation, as in: Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet? (PAUSE) And you already called Bill's? (PAUSE) What did he say? (PAUSE) He hasn't seen her either. (PAUSE) So, John's getting nervous? (PAUSE) He's going to call the police...
If I'm not mistaken, the conversation must have gone like this:
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet."
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet?"
"No, and I've already called Bill's."
"And you already called Bill's?"
"Yes."
"What did he say?"
"He hasn't seen her either."
"He hasn't seen her either."
"John's getting pretty nervous about this."
"So, John's getting nervous?"
"Yes, he's going to call the police."
"He's going to call the police..."

When phone-calls are traced you can see a map on the screen with a beam closing in on the caller, and the caller always knows how long he can talk before he has to hang up to not be traced down. He always manages to say everything perfectly timed for 2 minutes.

Video-phones display pictures of the callers looking straight into the camera. The camera must be in the middle of their screen, in other words.

If the hero tries to call someone he needs urgently he won't need more than three rings to know that he/she is not there.

If someone wants to call the hero, he/she will let the phone ring forever before hanging up, expecially if the caller does not know that the hero has to fight his way to the phone through a bunch of bad guys.

A person is placing a phone call to a company, such as "Sports Illustrated." The phone at the other end is picked up, and the person PLACING the call says, "Hello, Sports Illustrated?", as if they are checking to make sure they called the right place.
What this means is that at a major company, someone is answering the phone with "hello" and that's it! Not, "hello, Sports Illustrated, can I help you?" or anything like that, just "Hello!"

[Menno Hagendoorn]

Dit bewijst toch wel dat het cliche is....

Inderdaad een hele goeie!!!

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Categorie 4 (de laatste): War in movies:

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Every army platoon has at least one, usually black, member who can play the harmonica.

All G.I.s know how to make a still out of a jeep radiator.

If a soldier tries to look up an old buddy who was transfered to different unit, the buddy will be dead, or will die shortly there after.

If a main character dies, his sweetheart back home will have nightmare at that exact same moment

New replacements always get killed before you can even learn their names.

The hero's weapon is always different from everyone elses.
Every unit has a "Scrounge" who can get you anything from an atomic bomb to a date with the general's daughter for a bottle of cheap scotch, or vice-versa.

The platoon sargeant never has a grenade on him, so he always asks someone else for the grenade, then pulls the pin out with his teeth. (which will usually cause you to lose teeth before extracting the pin!)

Everyone who joins an Airborne (parachute) outfit doesn't understand why anyone would jump out of perfectly good airplane.

Elite units (Special Forces, Rangers, Commandos) are always recruited from convicts and other socially degenerate segments of society.

Elite units are always considered expendable even though they cost much much more to train and maintain.

Roger, wilco -- over and out. nuff said. Radio transmission are always improper.

The German Army always uses U. S. Patton Tanks.

Cannons, howitzers, and main tank guns NEVER recoil, unless its old documentary footage.

The battle hardened vet will always fall on a grenade for the new guy, rather than picking up the grenade and throwing it away, or jumping out of the fox hole.

Fox holes never have overhead protection, or grenade pits.

Only the "Japs" and the "VC" bother to use booby traps.

German soldier always wear grey uniforms and jack-boots, though these uniforms were pretty much pahsed out by mid 1943.

SS soldiers always wear there dress black uniform.

The British Army is only allowed to fight in North Africa, and even then only elite forces other than the LRDG and SAS are allowed to fight.

Only the Marines fought the war in the Pacific. No Army personnel were involved.

The military hero always carries a special knife with an 11 inch + blade and a hollow handle with all sorts of gadgets. (most soldiers stick with the standard bayonet [6 in blade], Marine Corps Fighting knife[7 in blade], or airforce[5 1/2 in blade] survival knife. None have hollow handles because hollow handles break too easily)

Snipers always know exactly where someone will pop there head out of trench and soldiers in trenches never use mirrors or periscopes, like they did in World War One.

Any kid, or dog for that matter can wonder around through an artillery barrage and not get killed while half the outfit will alway get wiped out.

No one will shoot the hero and the battle will even come to a stand still while the hero cries in agony and curse that "it should've been him" when his best friend steps on the land mine/get blown up/ dies charging the machine gun nest. The battle will resume as soon as the hero gets over his grief and gets angry. The hero will be victorious within 45 seconds of becoming angry.

Any machine gun nest can be approached from behind without dificulty, but not until half the unit has been wiped out.

Soldiers will ask for keys for military vehicles eventhough these vehicles dont use keys.

If soldiers start to eat/drink/change socks/go to the bathroom, they will get orders to move out immediately.

Soldiers will always make a comment about the food, usually something along the line of "I stepped in it but I've never ate it" or "if we feed this to the "krauts" we'd win the war tomorrow".
Soldiers and sailors must have at least on bar room brawl usually followed by a scene where they come to each others mutual aid the next day.

There has to be a scene involving giving chocolate to children or nylons/cigarettes to women in a WW II movie. The soldiers never try to take advantage of the situation by asking for sexual favors in return.

There is also an obligatory scene where a soldier reads a travel brochure about beautiful Italy/Germany/France/Guam/ while the camera pans across the blown up country side.

If the travel guide scene is omitted, you'll be treated with the scene where a soldier comments about how nice everything looks, too bad there's a war going on, he's going to come back when this is all over. He'll be shot by a sniper shortly after this scene.

HAVE FUN!

[Menno Hagendoorn]

HAVE FUN!

Bedankt joh! erg leuk en vaak erg raak!

[Graven]

Het lijkt erop alsof we de oorlogs films nu wel links kunnen laten liggen, alle cliche's zijn nu wel genoemd

[Ghast]

Dat heeft ie allemaal van een site gejat

[Menno Hagendoorn]

Het lijkt erop alsof we de oorlogs films nu wel links kunnen laten liggen, alle cliche's zijn nu wel genoemd

Blijft nog een hoop terrein braak liggen toch?

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Dat heeft ie allemaal van een site gejat

Tuurlijk, dacht je dat ik dat zelf even in het afgelopen kwartier in had zitten tikken? Maar, zoals ik al zei in m'n 1e post: ik weet m'n bron niet meer anders had ik de links wel genoemd.....

[Menno Hagendoorn]

Nog een cliche: de hond blijft ALTIJD leven. (Zie :Independence day, Dante's peak etc.)

[Ronald Stiebolt]

Nog een cliche: de hond blijft ALTIJD leven. (Zie :Independence day, Dante's peak etc.)

Bijna waar: zie Turner & Hooch (Tom Hanks)

[Menno Hagendoorn]

Bijna waar: zie Turner & Hooch (Tom Hanks)

Uitzonderingen bevestigen de regel

[DaniBierhoff]

Mensen zijn altijd heftig aan het sturen, terwijl ze rechtdoor rijden