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Humor: samenvatting T3
Nov 18, 2003
Gevonden op deze site. Enjoy! T3: Rise of the Machines – The Children’s Book Version Once upon a time there were three friends. They were an ordinary boy, a girl and a killer robot like you and me and the fancy chrome toaster in the kitchen, but they had a special secret. They knew that one day the world would be destroyed by a nasty operating system known as Skynet XP. Can you say “BOO-HISS!” boys and girls? [img]http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/t/08535-1.jpg[/img] Even though they had tried to stop Skynet XP twice already, Hollywood had run out of old television shows and show rides to turn into movies, so they decided that they would try to stop Skynet XP one more time. Can you say “They did it for the money” boys and girls? Let’s meet our friends. This is JonJon. His mummy told him that one day in the future he’d help the survivors of a nuclear holocaust rise up and smash the shit out of mutated fax machines and coffee grinders. Can you say “Die you evil chrome f*ckers!”, boys and girls? Meet Katie. She was JonJon’s high school sweetheart until his foster family was slaughtered by the silver stuff in a thermometer and he disappeared. Now she’s engaged to someone else and works as a vet. Can you say “Token female”, boys and girls? Meet CSM101, or “T”, as his friends like to call him. T is a good killer robot from the future. He’s come to the present day to protect JonJon and KatieB from a sexy bad killer robot from the future and to rescue California from spiralling debt and mismanagement. Can you say “Political Puppet”, boys and girls? These are our good guys, boys and girls. Now for the bad guys... Meet T-X, or as the robots in marketing like to call her, Terminatrix. She’s the latest model, she has nanotechnological transjectors, energy disruptors, Internet Explorer v9 and inflatable boobs. She’s hot. Can you say “Phroaw!”, boys and girls? Her boss is Skynet XP, an evil Microsoft programme from the future. Skynet XP hates humans and decided to wipe them all out with a nuclear attack. One day, Skynet XP and Terminatrix were coding bugs into MS Messenger v345,987.2a beta, when Skynet XP asked Terminatrix a question. “Terminatrix, I’m sad. We can’t find JonJon in the past because he’s deleted all his cookies and cleaned out all our spyware. Will you please go back in time and kill everyone JonJon went to school with? Some of them will be his lieutenants in the resistance, so maybe this will stop them. Please can you help? BEEP.” [img]http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/t/08535-2.jpg[/img] Terminatrix said “Of course I will, Skynet XP, thank you for asking so nicely! I will kill everyone I see, especially any older Terminator model that has been reprogrammed yet again and sent back in time to protect them. MOOKBLEEP.” And so Skynet XP handed Terminatrix some cookies, a trojan virus and a phased plasma rifle and sent her back through time to kill everyone. Soon, Terminatrix finds KatieB and JonJon at the vet playing ‘neuter the horsey’ and tries to kill them. Run kids, run! See the kids run for their lives. They are slow and dopey and Terminatrix is fast and has big guns. JonJon and Katie are going to die, boys and girls! Die die die! Suddenly, T turns up and runs Terminatrix over in a Toyota Tundra. Can you say “Product Placement”, boys and girls? But this doesn’t stop Terminatrix. JonJon, KatieB and T start to run away and Terminatrix chases them. They chase and chase and chase. They crash cars. Crash, crash, crash! They smash cranes. Smash, smash, smash! They defile a cemetery. Defile, defile, defile! Run, Crash, Smash, Defile! This cost one 150 million dollars, boys and girls. Can you say “What the f*ck!?” Finally, after 70 minutes of chasing and yelling and shooting they stop and have a picnic. All of a sudden, they realise that KatieB’s father might be responsible for starting SkyNet XP! Bastard, bastard, bastard! [img]http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/t/08535-3.jpg[/img] They have to stop him before it’s too late! Hurry, hurry, hurry! But they are too late! Oh no! KatieB’s father accidentally starts Skynet XP when he tries to use a badly written warez crack to bypass the Office activation code. Skynet XP then crashes his computer with the evil BSOD and when he reboots all his email contacts have been deleted and his web access disabled. STUPID SOFTWARE! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID SOFTWARE! Mankind is destroyed because of shitty programming and Bill Gates rots in hell. The End.
Nov 18, 2003
Gevonden op deze site. Enjoy! T3: Rise of the Machines – The Children’s Book Version Once upon a time there were three friends. They were an ordinary boy, a girl and a killer robot like you and me and the fancy chrome toaster in the kitchen, but they had a special secret. They knew that one day the world would be destroyed by a nasty operating system known as Skynet XP. Can you say “BOO-HISS!” boys and girls? [img]http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/t/08535-1.jpg[/img] Even though they had tried to stop Skynet XP twice already, Hollywood had run out of old television shows and show rides to turn into movies, so they decided that they would try to stop Skynet XP one more time. Can you say “They did it for the money” boys and girls? Let’s meet our friends. This is JonJon. His mummy told him that one day in the future he’d help the survivors of a nuclear holocaust rise up and smash the shit out of mutated fax machines and coffee grinders. Can you say “Die you evil chrome f*ckers!”, boys and girls? Meet Katie. She was JonJon’s high school sweetheart until his foster family was slaughtered by the silver stuff in a thermometer and he disappeared. Now she’s engaged to someone else and works as a vet. Can you say “Token female”, boys and girls? Meet CSM101, or “T”, as his friends like to call him. T is a good killer robot from the future. He’s come to the present day to protect JonJon and KatieB from a sexy bad killer robot from the future and to rescue California from spiralling debt and mismanagement. Can you say “Political Puppet”, boys and girls? These are our good guys, boys and girls. Now for the bad guys... Meet T-X, or as the robots in marketing like to call her, Terminatrix. She’s the latest model, she has nanotechnological transjectors, energy disruptors, Internet Explorer v9 and inflatable boobs. She’s hot. Can you say “Phroaw!”, boys and girls? Her boss is Skynet XP, an evil Microsoft programme from the future. Skynet XP hates humans and decided to wipe them all out with a nuclear attack. One day, Skynet XP and Terminatrix were coding bugs into MS Messenger v345,987.2a beta, when Skynet XP asked Terminatrix a question. “Terminatrix, I’m sad. We can’t find JonJon in the past because he’s deleted all his cookies and cleaned out all our spyware. Will you please go back in time and kill everyone JonJon went to school with? Some of them will be his lieutenants in the resistance, so maybe this will stop them. Please can you help? BEEP.” [img]http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/t/08535-2.jpg[/img] Terminatrix said “Of course I will, Skynet XP, thank you for asking so nicely! I will kill everyone I see, especially any older Terminator model that has been reprogrammed yet again and sent back in time to protect them. MOOKBLEEP.” And so Skynet XP handed Terminatrix some cookies, a trojan virus and a phased plasma rifle and sent her back through time to kill everyone. Soon, Terminatrix finds KatieB and JonJon at the vet playing ‘neuter the horsey’ and tries to kill them. Run kids, run! See the kids run for their lives. They are slow and dopey and Terminatrix is fast and has big guns. JonJon and Katie are going to die, boys and girls! Die die die! Suddenly, T turns up and runs Terminatrix over in a Toyota Tundra. Can you say “Product Placement”, boys and girls? But this doesn’t stop Terminatrix. JonJon, KatieB and T start to run away and Terminatrix chases them. They chase and chase and chase. They crash cars. Crash, crash, crash! They smash cranes. Smash, smash, smash! They defile a cemetery. Defile, defile, defile! Run, Crash, Smash, Defile! This cost one 150 million dollars, boys and girls. Can you say “What the f*ck!?” Finally, after 70 minutes of chasing and yelling and shooting they stop and have a picnic. All of a sudden, they realise that KatieB’s father might be responsible for starting SkyNet XP! Bastard, bastard, bastard! [img]http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/t/08535-3.jpg[/img] They have to stop him before it’s too late! Hurry, hurry, hurry! But they are too late! Oh no! KatieB’s father accidentally starts Skynet XP when he tries to use a badly written warez crack to bypass the Office activation code. Skynet XP then crashes his computer with the evil BSOD and when he reboots all his email contacts have been deleted and his web access disabled. STUPID SOFTWARE! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID SOFTWARE! Mankind is destroyed because of shitty programming and Bill Gates rots in hell. The End.